While our children sleep we set traps. Adults traps. Adults fall in love, get lost in plans, hassle, plan trips, come, laugh, are drunk. Adults swap gender, do make up, have their bodies naked, make themselves either big or small, sneak into each other, suffer and desire, piously. Adults dream that enter each others bodies, and do enter each other bodies. Adults dream in politics, and dream about a passage from one plane to another, as it would be more feaseble, that the military will fall, so they plan attacks, guns, black flags. Between boleros and dramas, bad beer and unfinished analysis, they scratch their bodies in the streets, in the dirty walls, they smoke what burns them inside out.
When our children are asleep, we fly away, and we run over each other, we fight. When our children wake up, they wake up our dry eyes, and a new journey starts. In the fresh morning the revolution of truth, libidinal from another era. In front of the nostalgic eyes of those dreams and comings, in front of the demolished bodies from the previous night, small bodies, subtle, and light. Filled up with plans. And we turn to them – absolutely – gigantic bodies in the morning. New trials and new tests to what ails us. Subtle and light bodies that ask for care, smaller than ours, they proof us that, maybe, we will fail. They bring challenges from another scale. Hangover in the adults eyes, attentive, however, to the marvellous dimension, fantasious, energetic of our children. Our eyes carry some sort of fear, fed by a small-big impression that we wont be able to hold the topsy-turvy dimension of our children’s semioticisations. Small child, its like: inventive present. In the body of the adult, on the other hand, a little bit of death, floating alcohol, unfinished lush, questions of order, greed for a longer night.
We wake up in another plane.
Attack plans from the previous night falter. The world of the adults traps gets lost in the porosity of the morning. Veridical and sweet eyes, usurpating. Usurpating the passage and the crossing plans, delaying for the next night that world of dramas, delirium, erroneous slut, a world of passions. Adults traps. We run over each other more and more seriously than in children’s battles. Of course. We are night gladiators. We have desiring bodies. But the other ones, the small morning gladiators, they put us in retaguard. Small bodies, not less transformative.
When our children wake up we are surrended. We leave behind the bed with its lakes and lascivious marks, we get out to the wilderness of the house, we cross by real obstacles, material, colourful, stockable, talkative, breakable, threatening. The direction of the adults passions is drained by the touch and the sight, for when our children wake up we realise we have gone far, to a world of fears, our smallness, and, in front of us we have an excess of tender, warmth, risk and pure passage.
When our children wake up we burn with longing, longing for the traps we have arranged, as if it would be easy to get rid of them, as if the night betrayals where fair play, as if we would be more equal in these battles, those that when we lose, we strieve even more. Adults create traps as a drift, they play with themselves, they get drunk in their gozos, they relief from pure room of something bigger.
Adults wake up in scorched land (and scorched themselves). But no, its another plane. Consistency by caress, consistency by breaking that sovereignity.
Adulticities. Adults traps get lost in the morning. Small bodies defeat and lead the retaguard. Surrended, adults bodies abandon their projects, and their traps. Navigated by silky affects, the small (gladiators, liders, revolutionaries…) are soliciting us in such a soft way. Even so they call us, they convoke us. They don’t know about our death-alive bodies, the chilly shivering, the sufferings with politics, the crossings of affect. They don’t know we wake up all of a sudden, and from delirium.
They look at our eyes, steady:
– Are we ready, are we?
– Or are we still trapped?
Read this text in portuguese [here]